164: Losing Strategy #3: Unbridled Self-Expression (And Why Your Partner Can't Hear You)

You think you’re just being honest. You’re actually overwhelming your partner.

You’ve been holding it in all day. All week. Then it explodes. You say everything. You let it all out. And your partner shuts down, gets defensive, or walks away.

In this episode, Lilly breaks down the third of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: unbridled self-expression. She explains what Terry Real calls “the barf bag approach to intimacy,” why your nervous system floods, and how to express yourself without creating emotional debris.

This is Part 3 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What unbridled self-expression really is (the “barf bag approach”)

• Why “being honest” without consideration destroys connection

• What’s happening in your nervous system when you’re flooded

• The difference between expressing emotion and emotional dumping

• Why your partner can’t hear you when you’re venting without filter

• How “always” and “never” statements shut down conversation

• The real cost of prioritizing discharge over connection

• How to recognize when you’re flooded (outside your window of tolerance)

• How to take a responsible time out (15 minutes, then come back)

• The 7-10 whys exercise to get specific instead of generalizing

• Terry Real’s Feedback Wheel: What I saw, Story I made up, How I feel, What I’d like

• The one question that changes everything: “Am I saying this to be heard, or am I saying this to release?”

Connect with Lilly:

• Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com

• Website: lillyrachels.com