163: Losing Strategy #2: Controlling Your Partner (And How It's Destroying Your Relationship)

In this episode, Lilly breaks down the second of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: controlling your partner. She explains the difference between direct and indirect control, how your nervous system thinks control equals safety, and what to do instead so you can collaborate instead of dictate.

This is Part 2 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The difference between direct control and indirect control (manipulation)

• Why your nervous system thinks control equals safety

• What’s happening in your body when you try to control the conflict

• Examples of direct control (dictating timeline and outcome)

• Examples of indirect control (guilt tripping, withdrawal, playing victim)

• Why control leads to retaliation and payback

• The real cost of trying to control your partner in conflict

• How to recognize when you’re in control mode

• How to regulate yourself instead of managing your partner

• The one question that changes everything: “Am I trying to control this because it’s helpful or because I’m uncomfortable?”

Connect with Lilly:

• Join the FREE UNDEFEATED 3 Day Intensive (Dec 8, 9, 10 at 6 pm CT): https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated

• Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com