From Victim to Optimist

How to Stop Drowning & Start Surfing the Waves of Life

The ebb and flow of life.

“I don’t want to get my life together, every time I do it falls apart.” I vented to a friend. It had been a rough three years. I had lost two of my grandparents, gotten divorced, moved, my car got totaled, my mom died, and another relationship ended. I was tired. I couldn’t understand why so many “bad” things were happening to me.

I was drowning in the ocean of life.

I’m not special difficult circumstances are happening to everyone every day. Working as a therapist and now coach I get to be privy to the struggle of others daily. Everyone is grieving something. Undoubtedly, grief is an emotion the collective has in common.

What I know now that I didn’t know then was that drowning was a choice. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” as the old saying goes. I was CHOOSING to suffer.

I was operating in a victim mindset. Making the ebb and flow of life all about me. The thing about being a victim is you give up all your power. You’re like the marble in the pinball machine bouncing around, affected by everything outside of you.

It wasn’t until I made the conscious choice to stop being the marble and take radical responsibility for my life that things began to shift.

I stopped licking my wounds over being divorced and started to seriously look at how I contributed to the ending of my marriage.

I went to therapy to “learn to be sad” (true story), so I could begin to grieve my mother’s death.

I started a gratitude practice to train my brain to look for the good in my life.

Radical responsibility opened the door to the optimistic outlook I now live my life through. Instead of drowning in the ocean waves, desperately treading water to stay afloat. I built myself a surfboard and learned to embrace the flow.

Does this mean my life is rainbows and butterflies? Absolutely, not.

Since this shift, I’ve experienced more difficult moments. As I write this, I’m in the car with my partner driving 1200 miles to support family. The waves are big right now.

The difference between the girl who was drowning and the girl who is surfing is internal. Same external ocean of life.

How I stay on my surfboard:

1.     I practice gratitude daily. Actively looking for and noticing the “good” all around me.

2.     I meditated daily to ground myself and recenter when life’s ocean gets squirrely.

3.     I pray and connect with God, believing that He’s got me despite my current circumstances.

4.     I nurture my body through clean food, hydration, sunlight, and movement.

5.     I allow myself to feel the full range of human emotions.

6.     I make time to sit with grief when it comes instead of trying to escape it.

7.     I ask for help when I need support (this one is new for me and I’m still working on it)

These are some examples of “the work” I put into maintaining my stance on the surfboard. And sometimes I fall off. But instead of staying in the water I reach out for support (coach, therapist, friend) and with help, I stand back up and continue.

Being an optimist doesn’t mean nothing bad happens, it’s a deep belief that the future is brighter.

If you are struggling right now and need support. I’d be honored to be your surf instructor. Email me at lilly@lillyrachels.com.

Remember “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Your pain has the potential to produce more growth than happiness ever could.

I love you and I’m rooting for you.

Live bold & bright,

Lilly